如何与小女孩聊天
作者：丽莎·布鲁姆
原载：赫芬顿邮报·读书（链接：http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html?ref=fb&src=sp）
翻译：Elysia（http://blog.sina.com.cn/elysiahaiyan）
译者注：
“不要对小女孩说你真可爱你真美。为什么？因为你在告诉她们‘容貌最重要’。你在教他们从五岁节食，十一岁化妆，十七岁隆胸，二十四岁打肉毒针。不妨聊聊读书。不妨关心她们的思想。不妨向她们示范女性应因头脑和成就而得到尊重。告诉她们些与美容业、明星潮流不同的事。”
《山楂树》里，老三告诉静秋，胸大没什么不好，不是罪恶的，是美的。与几十年前中国过于激进的压迫性别意识和个人美学相比，过于关注容貌也是危险的，使人虚弱的。无视美和过度重视美，简直是女性自我认知的两个极端。美当然没错，只是美不是全部，不是快乐本身。丽莎·布鲁姆警告我们，畸形的追求外表可能带来生理、心理、人生的瓦解和毁灭。
上周末去朋友家参加晚宴时，我第一次见到她五岁的女儿。小玛雅长着一头棕色卷发和小鹿般的深色眼睛，穿着可爱的艳粉色晚礼服。我真想尖叫着说：“玛雅，你可真可爱啊！看看你！小美人儿，转个圈，摆个蓬蓬裙的造型！”
但是我没有。我忍住了。每次我见到小女孩，我都得咬紧牙关，不让自己下意识的说出她们时多么多么可爱、好看、美丽、时髦、会打扮。
为什么不能那么说？那不正是我们见到一个小女孩时最正常的反应吗？说一句衷心的称赞，帮助她们提高自信，有何不好？说真的，她们那么可爱，真让人爱不释手呢。
不过，我自有我的道理。
这个星期的ABC新闻报道，三到六岁的女孩里，近半数人担忧自己肥胖。在我的《在这个白痴世界里做个聪明女人》一书里，我提到，十二岁以下的女孩里，百分之十五到十八会日常刷睫毛膏、画眼线、涂口红。厌食症患者激增，自信心暴跌。四分之一的美国年轻女性宁愿赢得“美国下一站名模”而不是诺贝尔奖。就连聪明、成功的高校女生也说在“性感”和“聪明”中她们选择前者。一位在迈阿密的母亲死于整型手术，留下两个十几岁的孩子。类似现象层出不穷，令我心痛。
如果我们总是最先注意一个小女孩的长相，那等于告诉她们相貌比其他一切都重要。正是这样的观念使她们从五岁就开始节食，从十一岁开始涂脂抹粉，十七岁去隆胸，二十四岁打肉毒针。当我们的文化把全天候性感做为新的女性规则，美国女性变得越来越不快乐。
我们失去了什么？有意义的——思考，阅读，并因我们的思想和成就而被尊重——的生活。
这就是为什么我要求自己用下面的方式与小女孩们对话。
“玛雅，”我蹲得和她一边高，看着她的眼睛说，“很高兴认识你。”
“我也很高兴认识你。”她用大人教给她的礼貌乖乖女的口吻回答。
“嘿，你最近在读什么书？”我眨眨眼睛说。我爱书，称得上是个书痴，而且以此为傲。
她睁大了眼睛，故作礼貌的表情消失了，换成了对这个话题兴奋的表情。不过，因为对我还很陌生，她犹豫了一下。
“我超爱看书，你呢？”我问。
大多数的孩子都爱看书。
“我也爱！”她说，“我现在能自己读好多书了！”
“哇！真厉害！”我说。对于一个五岁孩子来说，的确很厉害。“你最爱哪本书？”
“我去拿过来！我能读给你听吗？”
玛雅的最爱是《紫色女孩》，我从来没读过。我们坐在沙发上，玛雅窝在我身边，充满自豪的朗诵每一个词。故事里的女主人公喜欢粉紫色，她学校的女孩都爱黑色，所以女主人公受尽了欺负——唉，又是一本关于女孩和她们的衣服、以及她们的衣服定义了她们的人格的书。不过，当玛雅念完了整本书，我把话题转向了书中涉及的更深层次的问题：爱欺负人的女同学、同侪压力、被孤立。我告诉她，我最喜欢的颜色是绿色，因为我喜欢自然。她很赞同。
我们丝毫没有谈到衣服啦，头发啦，身体啦，漂亮啦。跟一个小女孩聊天时，想避开这些话题比想象中还难，但我坚持住了。
我告诉她我刚刚写完一本书，我还告诉她我希望有一天她也能写一本。她为了这个想法兴奋不已。到玛雅需要就寝的时候，我们都意犹未尽，不过我告诉她下次我们再挑一本书，一起读，一起聊。她简直迫不及待，都不肯去睡觉了。
这就是我对于我们文化对小女孩们错误示范的一点小小反抗、对于尊重女性智力的一点小小推动、为重塑女性准则的小小努力。我跟玛雅这短短几分钟的聊天，能够改变几百万的美容产业、真人秀、以及明星文化带给她的影响吗？不能。但是，我至少使她当下的想法发生了改变。
下次当你遇见一个小女孩时，也不妨试试。她可能会惊讶和困惑，因为此前从没人关心她想过什么，但是，请保持耐心，给她时间。问问她在读什么书。问问她喜欢什么，不喜欢什么。以及为什么。这些问题没有所谓的正确答案。你只是引导她重视自己的思想，帮她开展一次智力的对话。对于大一点的女孩，问问她对时事的看法：污染，战争，学校经费削减。在这个世界上，什么使她感到困扰？如果她有一杆魔杖，她想要改变什么？你很可能得到令你深思的答案。与她聊聊你的想法，你做的事情，或者你爱读的书。你能够向她示范一个自主思考的女性是如何说话、做事的。
请告诉我之后发生了什么。让我们一起改变这个世界，从与每一个小女孩聊天开始。
How to Talk to Little Girls
I went to a dinner party at a friend's home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.
Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, "Maya, you're so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!"
But I didn't. I squelched myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.
What's wrong with that? It's our culture's standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn't it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem? Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.
Hold that thought for just a moment.
This week ABC News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25 percent of young American women would rather win America's Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. Even bright, successful college women say they'd rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.
Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.
That's why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.
"Maya," I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, "very nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too," she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.
"Hey, what are you reading?" I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I'm nuts for them. I let that show.
Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.
"I LOVE books," I said. "Do you?"
Most kids do.
"YES," she said. "And I can read them all by myself now!"
"Wow, amazing!" I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.
"What's your favorite book?" I asked.
"I'll go get it! Can I read it to you?"
Purplicious was Maya's pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black. Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities. But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group. I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.
Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It's surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I'm stubborn.
I told her that I'd just written a book, and that I hoped she'd write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we'd read it and talk about it. Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.
So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains. One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya's perspective for at least that evening.
Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what she's reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. You're just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand? You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.
And let me know the response you get at www.Twitter.com/lisabloom and Facebook.
Here's to changing the world, one little girl at a time.
